I know you’re fed up with some of your habits and want to shift them;
I know you’re frustrated with the painful choices you keep making over & over;
I know sometimes you feel stuck in the effort to change your life;
I know there is a gap between the life you want & the life you have right now;
I know because I am there too.
Let’s start by talking about the GAP between where you are now and where you want your life to be. First, give yourself a break by understanding that as long as you’re alive there will likely be some kind GAP between here & there so stop beating yourself up about it and start being accountable for it. Here are a couple of things you can you do to narrow that space:
1. Figure out what you want in your life. To make IT happen you pretty much need a clear, solid idea of what IT is and why you want IT. (If you have no clue don’t panic, just skip to point #2). We all have good intentions of what we’d like to accomplish or change but sometimes those things are on our life list for the wrong reason which makes it much harder to actually do. It’s helpful to figure this out!
One clue your to-do list may have gone amiss is that nothing in your life really changes – you’re trying to move toward your goal yet everything stays the same. This may mean it’s not truly important to you so perhaps you should examine your motive. It might be on your goal list because you think it’s something you should do? This feeling could be passed on to you by our culture or your parents or your partner (having children comes to mind here – please never have a baby because you think you should). Drinking less or losing weight are other examples – no one is successful at either if they aren’t clear on it. In fact Darling, never do anything because you feel you should except to use your manners. Everyone should use their manners.
Maybe this thing is something you’ve been wanting for years? So long, in fact, you’ve forgotten to check in with yourself to see if it’s still that important to you. Conceivably you feel committed because you already told people your plan. But here’s the thing – you’re allowed to switch teams in the middle of the game (not actually the middle of a sports game, only the life game!) You have every right to respectfully change your mind. Own that.
If it feels like you’re spinning your wheels and nothing in your life is shifting it doesn’t mean you suck or that you can’t do it. It means you need to DECIDE if you truly want that for yourself and if so then take responsibility and change your action. If you’re hit by a thunderbolt of insight and realize you’ve been barking up the wrong tree all this time you can let it go. Oh yeah Baby – I said let it go! Releasing what you think you want instantly closes the gap between here and there, it’s like a miracle. Then you are free to move on to the next ass-kicking thing, which may even involve taking a break. That’s for you to know.
2. Here’s a jumbo sized hack to closing the GAP – get clear on how you want to FEEL and do stuff that makes you feel that way. Oh boy. In my whole life I think I know 2 people who’ve got this right and I am not one of them, although I’m really working on it. Most of us go about it backwards, thinking if we take this step or get this thing it will make us feel a certain way. What if you figure out what vibe you want to carry into the world, how you want to feel & be, and intentionally do things that make you feel that way? If you’ve figured this out you will be able to bring it with you everywhere, even to the tasks and situations you’d rather not be doing.
Most people go through their life on autopilot, especially when it comes to how they feel. They allow daily circumstances to dictate their inner world but it doesn’t have to be that way. As soon as you figure out your own special vibe you can start showing up that way and the GAP begins to close…you get closer to how you want to be. This takes effort Darling. If you’ve spent years slogging through your life with no thought about how you want to feel, or the knowledge that it’s in your control, you can’t expect this info to just ‘come’ to you. Think about it, let it roll around in the back of your mind, ask yourself how you want to show up in the world every day? A couple caveats about this…”I want to feel happy” is a bit of a cop out. Get clearer than that – what is happy to you? Also, you are not allowed to feel guilty about how you want to feel. How you want to show up and live your life is your own journey, which you alone are in charge of.
It’s my desire to Be Bright, which is how I sign off on all my writing because I wish it for you too. I want to be bright in every aspect of my life – intelligence and a clear brain, vitality & physical well-being, emotionally (a constant work in progress) and in social connection. Learning this about myself was very powerful & galvanizing. It is the beacon from which I live my days and governs my actions whether I consciously think about it or not. But it did not just land in my lap, far from it! I spent time peeling away the layers of what was important to me to get there and I’m so glad I did.
My Dear Friend I am so glad you are here with me, reading this. I’m glad because I know you can close the GAP between the life you want and where you are right now. This is important because your true vibe is what our world needs.